Its Okay to Not Be Okay

The other day, I was on a train that crawled into Norwood Junction at a pace that would make a snail look ambitious. A massive sign on the platform read: “It’s Okay to Not Be Okay.” And honestly? I needed that reminder. The train had been delayed (thanks, signal failures), I was running late, and my patience had left the station long before I did. I was irritated. Frustrated. Fully prepared to draft a mental complaint letter to the universe. And then—there it was. The sign.

If you don’t know me, here’s a fun fact: authenticity is one of my core values. It’s not just a nice word I throw around—it’s the compass that guides most of my decisions. But in my world (legal and insurance), where keeping up appearances is practically a job requirement, how many people would actually admit they’re not doing okay?

Now, you’ve probably mastered the art of looking like you have it all together, even when your brain is running on caffeine and sheer willpower. The legal world thrives on competence, composure, and confidence. But you are also human. And sometimes, humans are not okay.

The Psychology of “Not Okay”

Our brains love patterns, predictability, and a sense of control. So when stress, overwhelm, or self-doubt creep in, we panic—not just because we’re struggling, but because we think we shouldn’t be. That internal dialogue? It’s the mind playing defence to keep you safe, trying to push discomfort away rather than sit with it.

But suppressing emotions doesn’t make them disappear. In fact, the more we resist them, the louder they get. The key isn’t to ignore the “not okay” moments—it’s to acknowledge them, work with them, and move forward despite them. Because we all know from experience, it too shall pass!

Why Lawyers Struggle to Accept This

Wild guess: You like being right. And you probably take pride in being the go-to person for solutions.

In a law firm, vulnerability can feel like a liability, and the very strengths that make you you can sometimes seem like obstacles rather than assets. (Hands up if you just want to fit in!) But if you never let yourself acknowledge when things aren’t great, you risk burnout, resentment, and (ironically) underperformance.

Embracing the Messy Middle

1. Label It, Don’t Fight It
   Feeling overwhelmed? Frustrated? Scared? Call it what it is. Call it everything it is. Studies show that identifying multiple emotions can dilute the power of the consuming emotion.

2. Give Yourself the Grace You Give Others
   If a colleague came to you struggling, you wouldn’t tell them to “just get over it.” (Well, you might, but thats a different conversation) So why say it to yourself? Self-compassion isn’t self-indulgence; it’s a strategy for resilience. Instead of “I’m failing,” try “I’m feeling unsure right now.” It’s a shift, but an important one.

3. Drop the Perfectionism Act
   No one is expecting you to be a machine. (And if they are, maybe they need to rethink their expectations.) Perfectionism is a myth that only leads to exhaustion. Striving for excellence is great, but give yourself permission to be human.

4. Lean on Your People
   Law can feel isolating, but trust me—if you’re struggling, you are not alone. Find those who understand, whether it’s a mentor, peer, coach, or therapist. Strength isn’t suffering in silence; it’s knowing when to ask for support.

The Takeaway

Being “not okay” doesn’t mean you’re failing—it means you’re real. The best lawyers aren’t the ones who pretend they have it all figured out; they’re the ones who learn to navigate challenges without losing themselves in the process.

So, next time you hit a rough patch, don’t just push through it. Acknowledge it. Work with it. And remember: You don’t have to be okay all the time to be really good at what you do.